He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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