You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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