i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize