I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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