She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
