Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
