whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
