i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize