So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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