Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
