need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
