just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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