Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
