Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
