Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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