I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We talked him into tasing himself.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
