dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
