You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
