What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
