I'm jealous of your bromance
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
