I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
