I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
