I feel great
I just peed on a car
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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