I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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