i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
