I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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