If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
