My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
