Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
