Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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