I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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