Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
