Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
