no, he came in my armpit
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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