what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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