smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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