hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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