i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
