i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
