So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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