you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
