wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
