The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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