Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
