my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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