so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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