I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
