I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
