Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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