So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
