Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
