Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize