Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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