Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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