i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize