today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
