Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
