You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
