I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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