Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
