sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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