I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
