Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
