so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
