accomplished twins. life is a go
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
