Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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