If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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