That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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