that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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