Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
