Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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