After last night, I could never be a politician.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
