nut hugger
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
