I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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