is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
