hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
