I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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