Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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