I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
