Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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