i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
