just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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