there's paper in my vomit.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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