this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
