Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bring me that man meat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
