Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize