are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
