Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize