wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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