I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
