I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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