You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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