So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize