Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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