how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
