So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
