I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
