he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
