He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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