my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
