I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
