Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
