I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
