no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
