just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
