Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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